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Sunday, April 3, 2011

Arthur's Birthday - April Fool!

Arthur had his birthday two days ago, on April 1st, April Fools Day. I bought him an ice-cream cake and a wireless electronic weather station. My mother also visited and we had a happy time. At one time I wanted to make a birthday party of it, but I think it would have been very tiring for Arthur and we have lost track of so many people, and he has outlived his close friends. It is really just Arthur and me, now.

The kitchen staff made him a cake to share with everyone and a lot of the staff came in and sang 'Happy Birthday' to him in the morning (I came in after lunch) and lots of staff and some of the residents wished him a Happy Birthday too. I think it was a good thing that he was in the nursing home for his birthday as he got a lot more attention than he would have at home with no one visiting. It was a bit hard to go home alone but it is for the best. I was happy to see him smiling and seeing him talk cricket with my Mum was funny. Mum is Australian back five generations and he is English and of course the cricket rivalry is usually intense but as both teams are not doing well they were commiserating each other on the lack of good bowlers in each other's national teams.

On Thursday, my doctor found out I have low blood pressure at the moment so she took a blood test on Friday. Also my CT scan shows arthritis in my lower back so I have to go to physiotherapy. The pressure on my sciatic nerve gives me pain down the leg so I will have to strengthen my back with exercise.

Also my Chelsea has a little lump on her chest so I have to get the vet to check that out. Arthur and I will be devastated if it turns out to be anything nasty. I am not going to say anything to Arthur about it. I am hoping it will just be inflammation or a cyst.

I got a pass and a credit for my two practical reports for my university subject.

My sense of sadness is under control I think. It has not gone away but it is not as overwhelming. Thoughts that this would probably be Arthur's last birthday were pushed into the background. I could not afford to indulge in that kind of thinking. But here, I will face it. I also face the sadness that it was so little I gave. I wish it could have been a party at a restaurant, at home or in the nursing home day-room. I wanted family, all his friends, anyone who knew and respected him to be there, decorations, him the centre of attention, people thanking him for all he had done. I would have liked for him to say sorry to his daughter and 'buried the hatchet' on past hurt and tumult and for him to see his grand-daughter and great-grandsons. I wish they could have been there, for him. (To be brutally honest, I have been glad he had no contact with them; I didn't want to share him.) I wish his son Anthony could have been there and we all had a big celebration. But I am not up to organising anything like that, I cannot find people or magically heal his family rift.

I just think, that for all his faults, Arthur deserves more than this. We have each other though, and from what Arthur has been telling me, it is enough for him. For me, to give Arthur roses and a card that said 'To My Husband' was more than enough.

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